clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

This rap calls out 46 Ninja Warriors in under 4 minutes

It was written by Jesse Wildman as a fundraiser.

Jesse Wildman, a walk-on during season 9 of American Ninja Warrior and the staff manager at MLab Ohio, has released possibly the most name-packed Ninja rap of all time. Seriously, we tried to count them up by listening and just got exhausted. Thank goodness he put the lyrics in the description on YouTube.

J-Wild on the track now
This is for all my ninja warriors man
Y’all are like a family to me

You got a Wonder Woman and a Flexing LaBreck
And now another Jesse wants to come and give it his best
I’m like the Phoenix I’ll rise, I’ve got a buzzer on my mind
Specifically the one after an 80 foot climb
I wanna join the ranks of Britten, and Isaac Caldiero
You can paint my hair green; And I’ll become the superhero
I’m flying through this course like the Swan or Lucero
Cause I’m the future of the sport you can call me Joe Capo

I’m James and I’m Connealy, I’ve been Beastin’ like I’m Heesen
I’m a cowboy like I’m Pekus, I’ll hit buzzers like Mathis did
Made a wish now I’m the Genie, Salmon transfers like I’m Swedish
Standing tall like I’m Polizzi, Crushing courses like Zhanique did
Don’t believe me? Make no mistake
Listened to Flip I took the mask off my face
Now I’m not scared of anything,
No Limits Nate, you’re right let’s go finish this thing
I’ve got my eyes on the prize, Starting to think this is my fate; yo

City qualifiers? Ha, I’ll see you in the finals
I’ve been training for years, I’ve studied all the ninjas, every style
I’m the Boy Scout ninja, man I’m coming prepared
I’ve been working on my moves and now I’m smooth as La Flair
Here’s my application for the show, I’m a ninja for hire
and if you put me on the course, I’ll kill it like I’m Mike Meyers
I’m the weatherman, striking like lightning
And I think that Iseman’s, gonna like this
I’ve been training for this moment
I’m The Wildman, yo

This is 10% pull ups, 20% skill
15% running through some obstacle drills
5% balance, 50% laches
and a 100% reason to remember my name

I’m Daniel Gil my hair’s flowing, I’m the God Father’s son
I tried to get on the show, in Season 9 I walked on
It didn’t go like I hoped, I trained to get Scary Strong
and now like April I’m the GOAT, I’ll give it all that I got
I’m Jake Murray y’all, with my fanny pack on
I’m JJ Woods in the ring, I’m here to prove I belong
I’m a Baller like I’m Lorin, this is part of my story,
I’m chasing history and glory trying to be like Ian Dory, yeah

I’m speedy like Dreschel, and like Kevin I’m Bull-ing through
These obstacles can’t stop me I’m machine gun Bernardo
I’ve got faith like I’m Warnky, with the heart of a Darling (Hey Sean!)
Put me up on the stage, I’ll give a show like Grant McCartney
Nothing’s going to stop me; not even the salmon
I’ll be dunking on this course; and have you thinking I’m Nick Hanson
I’m not 6’8” but I have Giant aspirations
I’m motivated, I’ll be levitating, so elated when I beat a stage in Vegas, yo

I’m a poet like I’m Barclay, I’ve been doing this for years
Teaching ninja like a class you can call me Alyssa Beird
Crazy Craver on the course, but I’ve got ice in my veins
I am an unstoppable force, Akbar would say I’m insane
I’m the wild man; I wasn’t born to be tame
I’m fighting like I’m Mighty Kacy, they’ll remember my name
On Ninja Fame yeah, that’s the name of the game
Like Kevin I’m the Maker man, this course is mine to be made

This is 10% pull ups, 20% skill
15% running through some obstacle drills
5% balance, 50% laches
and a 100% reason to remember my name

Remember the name (The Wildman)
Ninja warrior 2019 (ANW)
Season 11, I’m coming for you (You know what it is)”

Okay, by our count, that’s 46 Ninja references and two bonus points for working in Matt Iseman and Akbar Gbajabiamila. (Did anyone else get a different number? We could be wrong on this.)

It’s an impressive feat and it’s for a good cause. In a post on GoFundMe, Jesse shares that the donations will go to the Make-A-Wish Foundation and that he’ll send a copy of the song to anyone that makes any size contribution.

So there you have it, the perfect song to fuel your 2019 Ninja Warrior workouts.

(In the name of full disclosure, the music behind the rap was created by Fort Minor. You can check that out here.)