We American Ninja Warrior fans are a special bunch. We love our little show passionately. We think about it a lot. We talk about it a LOT. Outsiders just don’t get us. Sometimes, it’s a little bit painful to field questions from Ninja neophytes.
Please allow us this space to vent. It’s important to release the steam so we can continue to be actually pleasant and lovely when watching Ninja Warrior with friends.
Here are seven of the phrases that cause us major internal eye-rolling.
1.) “What? The season is over and there’s no winner? That’s dumb!”
Winning isn’t the point. Ninja Warrior is about the deeply personal triumph of pushing yourself to the limit against all odds and our role is to bear witness to those efforts. “Winning” is rare and special and we expect that. This isn’t ‘Wheel of Fortune,’ KAREN.
2.) “Kacy Catanzaro? Isn’t that the woman who won?”
Did you hear what we JUST said? Kacy is winning at LIFE with her awesome new career in the WWE, but no, she did not “win” American Ninja Warrior. Kacy was the first woman up the Warped Wall and the first woman to complete a City Finals course. Both huge, transformative things. But WINNING is different.
(This was incredible, but it’s not “winning”.)
3.) “These obstacles are way too hard.”
SsssHhhhSSSSssshhhhHH. Just stop. They’re supposed to be hard. The Ninjas will overcome. JUST. BE. PATIENT.
4.) “These obstacles are so easy. I could do this.”
WELL, THANK GOODNESS. The athletes who have dedicated their lives to this, trained for years, given up their day jobs and sacrificed their family time, are simply not trying hard enough! FINALLY someone figured it out! Get out there and wow us! The Ninja we’ve all been waiting for has arrived!
5.) “That lady is pretty strong for a woman!”
Inhales deeply. Counts to 10. Exhales slowly. Let us fix that sentence for you: That ATHLETE is STRONG.
6.) “They should really get a second chance.”
Yes. We should give do-overs and tamper with the very foundation of the historical legacy that is Ninja Warrior and Sasuke. Sure. That won’t mess ANYTHING up.
7.) “These people aren’t REAL Ninjas. They should change the name of the show.”
Oh for the love of.... Just get over it. Seriously. There are bigger things in life to worry about.
Okay. Maybe, just MAYBE we take American Ninja Warrior a little too seriously...