Everyone is freaking out over this robot named Atlas from Boston Dynamics. Why? Because it’s WAY better at parkour than it should be. Like, IT CAN DO A BACKFLIP.
Sorry, Ninjas. It was only a matter of time before the robots came for your jobs. We’ll miss you.
We’re just going to go ahead and start scoring the all-robot season of American Ninja Warrior right now.
Sico, “Rocky IV”
Brings cake, which is good. Seems top heavy, which is bad. 3/10
Atom, “Real Steel”
Needs a LOT of sideline coaching. Lacking confidence. 4/10
Data, “Star Trek: The Next Generation”
Smart, adaptable, has thumbs. We’re into it. 8/10
Replicants, “Blade Runner”
MAYBE THEY’RE ALREADY COMPETING. 10/10
Giant, “Iron Giant”
Makes us cry. Destroys the course. Sign us up. 10/10
C-3PO, “Star Wars”
Nope. It ain’t happening. 1/10
You say no. We say... Wall-E is a good robot. A very good robot. We won’t tolerate speaking ill of Wall-E. He gets to be on the show. 12/10
The Terminator, “Terminator”
Ugh. Keeps getting DQ-ed, but won’t stop showing up. It’s getting annoying. 5/10
HAL-9000, “2001: A Space Odyssey”
Calmly informs us that it has won American Ninja Warrior. We agree. We TOTALLY agree. 11/10